


After Formal

by PinkNosebleed



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2020-11-08 09:42:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20833376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkNosebleed/pseuds/PinkNosebleed
Summary: Kat and Ethan are finally together but nothing is ever simple when you're young and in love





	1. The First Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His eyes were shining and bright, there was a look in them she had seen before in other men, but never like this. Never for her

__Kat giggled at another one of Ethan's dorky sarcastic jokes as the cab crept to a stop on the unfamiliar street. After leaving the dance he had invited her to his place and she had happily agreed. Ethan paid the driver and then hopped out, holding the door with one hand and extending the other to her. She didn't know why she felt so nervous. If they came here to have sex then it really wasn't a big deal. She was the one with experience, he was the one who should be nervous. But he didn't seem to be at all. She thought about that night in the bathroom on Halloween for the millionth time and felt her knees get weak as he led her by the hand to the stone apartment building across the street. He sheepishly apologized as he fumbled for his keys and she smiled at him. Her real smile. What was it about this boy that made her want to lower the walls she had so meticulously built? Maybe he would hurt her. Maybe she would hurt him. But right then all she wanted to do was grab him and kiss him all over. They entered the dimly lit hall and he motioned for her to follow him up a large creaky staircase. Honestly she hadn't been expecting him to live in an old apartment building on this side of town. She began to wonder about all the things she didn't know about him. They reached the top of the stairs and he unlocked the door to the apartment and let her in. It was dark and he immediately flipped on the lights. She looked around. It was small but neat. Sort of a bohemian vibe with colorful hand painted walls and framed art and movie posters. A large white cat with one blue eye and one green eye meowed loudly at her feet startling her from her thoughts. "Sorry. Gabe, go away." Ethan shooed. "No its okay." Kat said still smiling like an idiot as she reached down to stroke the cat who purred in return. "He's my older sister's. She's had him for like ever." Ethan told her. "Oh? Is she here?" Kat asked looking around now even more nervous. "No she's got a gig tonight. She's a bartender but she DJ's too. Mike, her boyfriend, he's most likely there too. Just me and you." He said with a smile, then quickly, "I hope that's not weird or anything." "No its totally fine." Kat replied with a slightly relieved tone. He motioned to the couch and told her to have a seat as he walked into the connected kitchen. "Drink?" he asked removing a green bottle from one of the cabinets. "Yes please." she answered. Her palms were sweating. Why in the fuck was she so anxious? He came over to her a few moments later a cup in each hand and sat down on the couch next to her, offering her one. "Thank you." She told him. "So what about your parents? Do they like work nights?" She asked. Ethan cleared his throat loudly and looked visibly uncomfortable. "Um...they're actually.....they died. When I was like 2." He said looking down into his cup. She wanted to cry. This incredibly sweet boy, who seemed so unbelievably laid back and understanding, and who she had been absolutely awful to, was a fucking orphan. "Oh Kat please don't look at me like that." His words suddenly snapped her out of her thoughts. She didn't realize it but she had been staring at him with horrified watery eyes since the words left his lips. "I'm so-sorry." She stammered breathlessly. "Its.…its okay. I just don't like to talk about it. It makes people.....act differently." He took a long drink from his cup. "I don't really remember them. My grandma and my sister raised me. And when my grandma died I came here to live with Jess and Mike. I'm not like....Oliver Twist or something." He gave a small laugh and she could tell he was growing even more uncomfortable. She did her best to wipe the look off her face. She wanted to tell him it was guilt that was wrecking her not pity, but she didn't think either was preferable so she said nothing. "Wow do I know how to kill a mood." He said laughing quietly. "No. No you didn't. I'm just....shocked I guess." She finally managed to speak. She scooted closer to him on the couch. "So what's your sister like?" She gazed up into his eyes and he looked back at her over the rim of his cup. He grinned. "She can be a real pain in the ass but she's my best friend. She's actually pretty cool. You two would probably like each other." Kat smiled. She somehow sensed that was a pretty big compliment coming from him. "You...wanna watch a movie?" He asked her. She smiled tenderly. "Sure." She told him. He grabbed the remote and they began jokingly discussing what movie they'd watch before settling on Raising Arizona as they were both Nicolas Cage fans. They were sitting so close their bodies pressed into one another and he put his arm around her as the movie started. She let herself fall against him and began to relax. However she didn't watch the movie, she watched Ethan. Watched the way his jaw flexed when he took a drink from his cup, the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed, those impossibly long lashes of his as they fluttered. He looked down at her suddenly, "What?" he asked his eyes darting back and forth. "Nothing." she replied quickly averting her gaze from his. For a few moments it was painfully quiet then Ethan finally shattered the silence by cracking a joke about the movie. Kat lost it and began to giggle uncontrollably. They both continued to joke and laugh as the movie played. Then about halfway through, it suddenly got quiet again. The soft glow of the tv played over their faces as Kat kept her head resting on Ethan's shoulder, one of her hands placed lightly on his thigh. He kept his arm draped over her shoulders and he absently played with her hair with his fingers. His free arm resting on the side of the couch. She once again found herself lost in her thoughts, staring at him. He looked down, and softer this time he asked , "What?" "Sorry." she said looking away. Her voice barely a whisper. "For what?" he asked her, his voice gentle and deep. "Staring." she replied still not looking at him. She felt his fingers move through her hair and trace the outline of her ear. She turned to face him and saw that he was gazing down at her. He leaned down toward her, and she felt the soft pressure of his lips against hers causing her stomach to flip flop. She kissed him back, savoring how gentle yet firm he was. She parted her lips as his tongue began to touch hers, licking feverishly inside her mouth, and sending a warmth spreading over her entire body. He was such a good kisser, probably the best she'd ever kissed. She whimpered slightly as he moved his hands though her hair and over her body. She tangled her fingers in his soft light brown hair and ran them over the length of his jaw. He tasted sweet and faintly like liquor. His hands moved over her breasts through her dress and her breath caught in her throat. He broke off his kiss and moved back slightly, staring into her eyes, and she saw that his were dark and clouded with want. "Do you want...do you want to go to my room?" He asked her. She nodded and he stood up taking her hand. He turned away from her quickly as he led her from the couch but not quick enough to conceal the considerably large bulge in the front of his pants. Her anxiousness returned as she trailed him to the bedroom. He pushed open the wooden door with a squeak and flipped a switch that flooded the room with pale blue light. His room was shockingly tidy for a boy. He didn't have posters of supermodels on the walls or dirty socks on the floor. She saw a collection of framed photos on the dresser and began studying them. "Is this your sister?" she asked him holding up a gold framed photo of a pretty girl with black hair and hazel eyes like Ethan's. He nodded. She grabbed a wooden frame that held a picture of a tan shirtless Ethan atop a surfboard cresting a giant wave. She marveled at it for a few moments before turning to him again, "You surf?" she asked wide eyed. "I used to. Haven't really been out there in awhile." He sat on the edge of his bed and looked at her. She could see he was painfully nervous now. She walked over and sat down next to him. "Ethan I have a confession to make." she said. He stared into her eyes silently. "I only lost my virginity like just before school started this year. I've only had sex with like 3 guys. I'm sorry I acted like such a jerk about you being a virgin." He flashed her one his adorable sheepish smiles, "Its okay." They started kissing again and she tugged the hem of his t shirt up then pulled it over his head. She ran her hands over his chest and stomach. Marveling at how smooth and taught they both were. His arms were muscular as was his stomach. Honestly he was god damn gorgeous. For a moment she wondered how she had gotten so lucky, then she let herself get lost in him. Their hands continued to explore and caress each other's bodies, their kisses deepened and she could already feel her lips beginning to swell. She gently pulled back and slowly rose to her feet reaching her hands behind her to unzip her dress. She slid the straps off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, standing before him in nothing but her panties. She felt exposed and scared and for a moment she wanted to run. She finally mustered up the courage to look at him and saw the way he was staring at her. His eyes were shining and bright, there was a look in them she had seen before in other men, but never like this. Never for her. "You are so fucking beautiful." He told her, and she could hear the thick lust in his voice. She went to him and they started kissing again as they both fell backward together on his bed. She reached down and began to undo his belt buckle, then the button on his pants. He was touching her all over. She reveled in his touch so tender yet strong, his hands soft and skillful. She felt an ever increasing heat and wetness between her thighs as he caressed her breasts before finding them with his mouth. She cried out softly and arched her back as his tongue swirled around first one nipple, then the other. He licked her ear lobes, kissed her neck, and then slid his hand inside her soaked panties. He moaned softly when he felt how much she wanted him. He moved his slender nimble fingers inside of her, causing little shudders of pleasure to radiate through out her entire body. She shoved his pants down toward his ankles and reached inside his boxers, whimpering at his touch as she did so. He moaned again, louder this time, as she found him with her hands. His skin was hot to the touch and she could feel his body trembling all over. He was hard as a rock and much bigger than she had been expecting. He kicked his pants off and then slid her panties down toward her ankles. "Do you have protection?" She panted in his ear. He moved slightly away from her and opened a drawer on his nightstand. She grabbed the waist band of his boxers on either side and slid them down, freeing his swollen cock that she could now fully see, and even in the dim lighting she could tell it was nice. His whole body was nice. She noticed him looking into her eyes and wondered if he liked her body anywhere near as much as she liked his. He tore the condom wrapper and to her shock had no trouble sliding it on. He moved over her, his thighs between hers, and kissed her passionately as he lowered toward her. She reached her hand down and guided his cock inside of her. She parted her thighs and arched her back as he entered her with a soft little moan. She felt another warm rush inside her and her need began to boil over. She had never felt like this before, never wanted anything as badly as she wanted Ethan inside of her. "I have to go slow." He whispered in her ear. She nodded. And he began to move. Slowly he thrust his hips forward and she found his rhythm, rocking her hips in time with his. His hands shook as he steadied himself, his breathing labored and shaky. She moaned softly, her eyes wide as he continued to make her feel things she had only ever written about before. With each slow, deep thrust she could sense the climax building inside her. Ethan let out little whimpers, his breaths came and went faster and faster as he kissed her lips, her breasts, and her neck. She watched his face and the look of pure ecstasy in his eyes as they moved together. Suddenly she felt the flood gates inside her give way and she came. She cried out loudly and clawed at his back as the orgasm shattered through her body. She kissed him to stop herself from being too loud as he kept moving, sinking into her, rocking his hips against hers. All the while kissing and touching her everywhere he could reach. She felt herself building again, the warm ache rising again. He kept going slightly faster now. He moaned softly into her mouth as his tongue licked against hers. She moved with him returning his kiss, gripping his arm muscles and back. The warmth began to spread and she felt Ethan's body begin to quiver, just as she came again so did he. She watched his face as he shook above her. His brow furrowed, his eyes rolled back. She kissed him hard and they both cried out. He pulled back from her to catch his breath before returning and kissing her tenderly. He gently removed himself from her and rolled onto his back, his breaths still coming out shakily. Kat moved next to him and he gently pulled her onto his chest, laying her head across him. She let her arm fall over his flat muscular stomach as his hands began to play with her hair. She felt dizzy and happy, almost drunk from the pleasure he had given her. The room was quiet now except for their shallow slightly labored breathing. "Was-um-was I okay?" Ethan asked suddenly breaking the silence. Kat raised her head to look into his eyes. He looked so vulnerable gazing back at her. "Ethan I've had exactly 3 orgasms in my entire life that I didn't give myself. 2 of them you just gave me. The third was with you at the Halloween party. You're amazing." He smiled down at her and she saw him blush slightly. She lay there on his chest as it rose and fell, his hand running through her hair, as they spoke softly to each other in the dark until falling asleep together.


	2. Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She moved forward and for the first time, she kissed him instead of waiting for him to kiss her.

Kat's eyelids slowly fluttered open as she stared puzzled at the unfamiliar blue plaid comforter draped across her body, her mind still not fully awake. Then she looked over to her left and began to smile so hard it hurt as she remembered where she was and why. Ethan was sound asleep beside her. Most people when they sleep drool or snore or make some unflattering expression. He looked as though someone had painted him. His hair was tousled perfectly and strands of bangs lay across his forehead just above his eyelids. His long lashes rested against his cheekbones as his chest slowly rose and fell. She was embarrassed to realize she had been using most of his blanket and he only had a small corner. She pushed the comforter toward him and did her best to cover him with it, all the while keeping her eyes trained on his serene sleeping face. She hadn't really let herself process how attracted she'd been to him until last night. Although she had realized it that night in the bathroom on Halloween. She ran her eyes over the parts of his body that were exposed; remembering the feel of his skin and the touch of his finger tips. Her stomach fluttered. She became vaguely aware that if he were to wake up right then and see her staring at him with a shit eating grin on her face it would look pretty damn weird. She also became aware of the fact that she really had to pee. She gently and quietly climbed out of his bed, buttoning his black dress shirt over her exposed breasts as she did her best not to disturb him. She looked back at him still sleeping in the bed and felt herself smiling again. She moved toward the door and silently turned the knob before stepping out into the narrow apartment hall clad in his shirt and her panties. She began to head in the direction of where he had shown her the bathroom was the night before when she heard a startled voice behind her causing her to jump. "Hi there." She turned and looked down the hall toward the front of the apartment and saw the girl from the photo in his room staring back at her from the kitchen. Heavily tattooed, her long hair flowing around her shoulders, she smiled slyly at Kat over the large coffee mug she held with both hands. Kat turned beat red as she stood in front of Ethan's older sister with no pants on at the crack of dawn. "Um--sorry-" She started to scramble back toward his room. "No, no you're fine." Ethan's sister looked like she was trying not to laugh. "I'm Jessica." She held out her hand and Kat realized she was going to have to walk down this hall, into the unforgiving light of the kitchen, and shake it. She wished the floor would open up and swallow her but when that didn't happen she padded forward and quickly shook hands. "Kat." she said quickly. "Yeah that I figured." Jessica replied with a small chuckle. Kat raised an eyebrow. "My brother tells me everything." She said waving her hand in the air. "Well....almost everything." She added another chuckle. "I-I'm just going to use the restroom if that's okay." Kat was about to pee herself and this stressful situation wasn't helping. "Oh sure. End of the hall." Another nonchalant wave. Kat scurried away and quickly closed the door between her and the mortifying scene she had just endured. When she exited Jessica had moved to the entrance of the hall and seemed to be waiting for her. "I-I'm just going to get dressed." Kat told her quickly as she reached for the door to Ethan's bedroom. "Hey Kat." Jessica said. "Yeah?" Kat peaked back at her from behind a strand of her hair. "It's really nice to meet you." With a seemingly wise smile she turned and walked out of Kat's vision. She hurried back into Ethan's bedroom, completely forgetting to be quiet in her haste. The door shut much too loudly behind her and Ethan suddenly sat up, startled by the noise. He blinked a few times, adjusting to the sunlight pouring through his window blinds and started rubbing his eyes. Kat froze and kept her back pressed against the door. What if he had been expecting her to leave? What if he thought it was weird and needy that she was still there? She scanned the floor for her dress. Maybe she could just act as though she was about to leave anyway and save face. "Hey why are you way over there?" She finally let herself make eye contact as he spoke. He was smiling at her and motioning for her to come back toward the bed. As soon as she saw the smile on his face and the glimmer in his eyes all notion of looking for her dress fled her mind. She sauntered back over and lay down next to him. "So, I just met your sister. With no pants on. So that's awesome." He laughed softly. "You look really good with no pants on, so it's fine." He told her, then gently kissed her forehead. Kat felt herself melt. He stretched and looked over at the clock on his end table. "Holy shit its like 6:30. Why are we awake?" He asked sleepily. "I should probably get home soon. My mom thinks I stayed with Cassie last night." "And sleepovers with Cassie usually end before 7 am?" He asked her skeptically. She fiddled with the sleeves of the shirt she was wearing. "No. I just....." She kept her eyes trained on the fabric as she tried to think of how to explain to him that she was absolutely terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing and if she just left, she couldn't screw this up. She must've been silent too long because he turned away from her and started to get out of bed. "I'll see if I can borrow the car. Drive you home." She tried to think of something to say but he was already pulling on a pair of pants and a t-shirt and the next thing she knew he had left the bedroom. She saw her dress laying on the floor near the foot of the bed and began quickly changing out of his shirt and back into it. She sat on the edge of his bed forcing her feet back into her shoes as he came back into the room. His eyes fell upon her efforts and she thought she saw a flash of hurt across his face. "So I guess you're ready right now." He said softly. She knew she was fucking this up again. She could feel it. She just didn't know what to do or say to stop it. "Whenever you are." Was her reply and she immediately regretted her tone and choice of words. He held the bedroom door open for her with a disappointed pout. She started to step out into the hall when a voice screamed in her mind not to. She stopped and she looked at him. "Ethan?" He raised his eyes to meet hers. "I'm not ready right now." She reached her hand up and softly pushed his door closed. She moved forward and for the first time, she kissed him instead of waiting for him to kiss her. She ran her hands through his hair as their tongues tangled together, his body pressed against the door. He gently pulled back from her, his thumb traced along her lower jaw, his eyes locked on hers. "You want to come have a super awkward breakfast with my sister?" He flashed her a smile. "Yes. Yes I do." Kat grinned. She made a vow to herself as she followed him through the bedroom door, that from now on she was not going to let her insecurities sabotage this for her. Ethan was sweet, attractive, and for his tender age and even with his lack of experience still an incredible lover. He liked her. Deep down she knew that he genuinely liked her and he wasn't like the guys who had made her feel like shit most of her life. Or the guys online who fetishized her. She could see it when he looked at her, he truly wanted her for her, and just her. She promised to let herself accept that. She was forced to abandon her thoughts however as they approached the kitchen. Jessica had placed a pile of blueberry muffins on the small table and was leaning against one of the counter tops with her coffee cup. "Mornin." Ethan mumbled opening the refrigerator. ""Good morning baby brother." Jessica sang back at the same time motioning to an empty chair for Kat. She quickly sat down and busied herself with staring at the tin signs hanging on the walls around her. Ethan rolled his eyes at his sister and plopped down in the chair next to Kat's with a carton of orange juice. "Hand me a cup would ya?" He asked Jessica. Without turning around she reached behind her and removed a cup from the cabinet. "Kat would you also like a cup?" she asked as she handed the glass to Ethan. "Sure." Kat replied in the most quiet voice she could use while still being audible. Jessica repeated the motion and handed Ethan a second glass which he placed in front of Kat, filling both their glasses. The kitchen was so quiet you could hear the sound of the Felix the cat clock mounted on the wall ticking away the time. "So," Jessica said in a loud chipper voice breaking the silence, "How was the dance?" Kat, who had been taking a drink of her juice, suddenly began to cough and sputter. She sat down her cup. Ethan raised an eyebrow at her, "You good?" She nodded as she felt her cheeks get hot. She caught a quick glimpse of Jessica who appeared to be very amused. "Dance sucked. We left." Ethan said grabbing a muffin. "Did you make these?" he asked her. "Of course not." she replied. "Good then they might be edible." He peeled the wrapper from one and tossed it onto the table. "Kat did you also find the dance to suck?" Jessica asked her quizzically. "Mostly. Parts were okay." She looked at Ethan and they both exchanged smiles. "That's pretty much how things were when I was a kid too. Guess some things never change." Jessica continued. "Yeah no matter how many decades pass." Ethan quipped. "Oh I see. You want me to show her the photo albums now and not later. Like your Halloween costume from when you were 5?" Jessica sipped her coffee. "Yeah I mean if you want me to change all your passwords again, sure." He took a bite out of his muffin. "So Kat get this, when Ethan was 5-" Jessica began. "Going to be pretty difficult to network when you can't even log onto Netflix let alone upload your mixes with your laptop." Ethan piped up after quickly clearing his throat. Kat watched the playful display amused. Jessica laughed. "Tough talk. Especially coming from Zelda." she said. Ethan's eyes widened. "Wait I thought the boys name was Link. Isn't Zelda the princess?" Kat asked. "Why yes Kat. Zelda is the princess!" Jessica exclaimed cackling. "That is too cute." Kat squealed at him. Ethan blushed. "Okay well thanks for breakfast. Hope your hair catches on fire." Ethan said to his sister as he stood up and turned back toward his room with Kat quickly following. "Aww she thinks its cute!" Jessica called after them and Kat couldn't help but giggle. They returned to his bedroom and he sat down on his bed with a sigh. "You didn't want a muffin? They weren't bad." He asked her. "No. Not really hungry." She sat down next to him. "So princess Zelda huh?" Kat grinned. "Remember what I said about my sister being pretty cool? Yeah that was bullshit and she lies." Kat laughed. She looked into his eyes, "I'll bet you were the most adorable princess Zelda. Way cuter than any girl." "Well I was actually. I don't like to brag but I really rock a yellow wig and dress." She laughed again I need to see these pictures. "Do you think she'll get them for me?" She got up and started toward the bedroom door. "Of course she will which is why we're never leaving this room." He playfully tugged her back down onto the bed. Kat laughed again and Ethan smiled at her. "You have the best laugh." He said. She smiled back at him and leaned forward to kiss him. They fell backward as they started kissing harder and she began running her hands over his body. She had hesitated slightly before but something had changed. He felt like hers. He slid his hand along her inner thigh as she kissed him even harder and then his fingers were inside of her. She inhaled sharply, gripping his hair in her hands, and felt his finger tips across her clit, lightly at first, then firmer. Heat rose from deep inside her and spread though her entire body. She imagined her skin looked red she felt so hot. He moved his fingers in slow rhythmic circles, his tongue wrestling with hers, her fingers tangled in his hair. He began to move faster and she felt like she was going to explode. She bit his shoulder through his t shirt to keep from crying out, the sensation of his fingers inside her continuing to drive her to oblivion. He held her body against his with his free arm and stared into her eyes as the wave finally broke and she came. They shared a deep tender kiss as he gently slid his hand from beneath the skirt of her dress and she finally let go of his hair. "I hope I wasn't loud." she whispered. He kissed her again softly. "Don't worry about it." He shifted beside her and she lay her head on his chest. A few moments of silence passed then, "Tell me about surfing." She said. "What do you want to know?" he asked. "Anything." He looked thoughtful for a minute then, "Well I started little. My dad was a surfer so I wanted to do something that would like, connect us I guess. There's something very cathartic about the sea. Something that makes you feel like you can touch things you cant really touch. Like the intangible is somehow reachable through the waves." She brushed a strand of hair from his eyes and looked up at him. "You should go sometime. And you should take me with you." He smiled, "I'd really like that." He went on to tell her about his favorite spot and his best wave. She told him about her writing and her most successful story. It felt like only a few moments had passed when her cellphone began to buzz. She looked down and saw her mom had sent a text asking if she was still at Cassie's. She also saw it was almost noon. She and Ethan had been laying in his bed kissing and talking for nearly 5 hours. "Its my mom." She grumbled with a sigh. She pulled from the embrace they had been lying in and sat up stretching. He rose to his feet. "I guess now I really do have to take you home." "For now." She replied grinning up at him. She told Jessica thank you for the juice and that it was really nice to meet her as Ethan led her to the front door, car keys in hand. "You too Kat. Look forward to seeing you again. Next time we can talk about the theme for his 6th birthday party." Jessica grinned and Kat smiled back. "I'll start with your online banking passwords. Just so ya know." Ethan told her in a snarky voice before closing the front door of the apartment behind him and Kat. He led her back down the creaky staircase she had climbed the night before and out the front door to a small parking lot across the street. When they reached the car she was shocked to see it was an 1960's Chevy muscle car that had been lovingly restored. Ethan unlocked her car door and held it open for her. Her dress made an unpleasant sound as the vinyl met with the leather seat coverings. He climbed into the drivers seat apparently without notice and fired up the engine. Kat had to describe to him where to go but kept becoming distracted and missing streets. Something about watching him handle this car was very exciting to her. She watched each time his hand which was planted firmly on the gear shift, expertly moved the shifter in and out of place. They arrived at her home a few minutes later than planned due to all the missed turns. "Do you want me to walk you up?" Ethan asked after he had parked across the street. "No I'm pretty sure my mom will be able to see that you aren't Cassie." She giggled. "Yeah I guess so." Ethan said. Kat leaned over and kissed him passionately. "I'll see you later?" She asked him. He nodded and smiled. "Bye Kat." he said as she climbed out of the car and headed to her house. He waited across the street until she was inside. Kat pressed her back against the front door and felt a warm glow in her cheeks. "Wow." She whispered aloud to her empty living room. She then headed upstairs to her room and lay on her bed, still able to smell Ethan on her skin.


	3. Winter Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you say you only want to be with me then fine. That's it. I only need to hear it once."

Kat had lay on her bed replaying the previous night and morning until she finally summoned the strength to shower and make small talk with her mother. She had asked her how the dance went and Kat had given her some emotionless generic response while doing her best to keep the smirk from appearing on her face. Telling her mother about Ethan meant answering questions. At the moment Kat wasn't sure of most of those answers herself, so for now she would keep him to herself. After her mother had finally let her be Kat had made up her mind to go see Maddy. After all look how well apologizing to Ethan had gone? She had stepped out the door into the waning evening sunshine and pointed her feet down the sidewalk in the direction of Maddy's modest neighborhood. Along the way she did her best to keep her thoughts focused on her friend and what she would say to her when she got there. However every once in awhile there would be a flash of Ethan's face as it hovered above hers and she would find herself smiling a huge dumb grin at the ground. When she finally got to Maddy's house it was nearly dark and it occurred to Kat she hadn't bothered to text first. She had just walked over here in a daze full of confidence riding her high from the night before. She stood nervously on the stoop afraid to knock when the front door suddenly swung open. "Kat!" Maddy's mother exclaimed giving her shoulders a squeeze. "Hi Mrs. Perez, is Maddy home?" Kat asked quietly. "Yes yes she's upstairs." She shooed Kat into the house then called up the stairs, "Maddy, Kat is here!." A few moments of silence passed then, "Maddy?" Finally Maddy called back down, "Tell that hoe to bring me a sprite on her way up." Mrs Perez rolled her eyes and Kat smiling grabbed a can of sprite from the kitchen before scurrying up the stairs and heading into Maddy's way too pink bedroom. "Hey." Kat offered the can to Maddy who was sprawled on the foot of her bed. She snatched it away, "So what are you doing here anyway?" Kat had been prepared for the bitchy routine. She took a deep breath, "Look, I know I've been a bitch to you lately and I came to say I was sorry. The truth is I was going through some shit, still am I guess, and I didn't handle it well." "That's an understatement." Maddy quipped. "Cassie told me about the night you tried to call me and I feel terrible. I was being selfish but, I never really did that before you know? Just did what I wanted. I could have picked a much better time I know that." Kat said. "I get it." Maddy replied. "I haven't always been a good friend either. I'm sorry too." "I'm sorry I called you superficial." Kat added. "It's okay. I am a lot of the time. I'm sorry I called you a cunt." Maddy said. Kat laughed, "It's okay. I was a lot of the time." "All right fuck that shit now sit down." Maddy told her motioning to the bean bag chair on the floor nearby. Kat sighed heavily and flopped down pulling her vape from her purse as she did. "So, what happened last night with you and Nate?" She asked taking a draw from her pen. Maddy groaned and rolled her eyes flopping backward on her bed, "Nothing." she answered in a disappointed tone. "I told him I don't think we should be together. Like for real." "Wow how did he take that?" Kat asked her. "He agreed with me. And it's fucked up because that might be like the only time he just agreed with me and didn't call me stupid or dramatic or some other shit, ya know? Like the only thing we've ever agreed on is that we shouldn't be together." "And what about you? Like are you okay with not being together with Nate anymore?" Kat asked. "Fuck if I know. I feel like shit either way. So what's the point anymore? At least without Nate there's no drama. And he just kills my confidence you know? Did I tell you he says I dress like a hooker?" Kat narrowed her eyes at her friend, "Dude fuck that. And fuck him. You do not need his bullshit." "You're telling me." Maddy sighed heavily. "I don't want to talk about Nate anymore." She rolled her eyes then flopped over on her stomach so she was facing Kat and began to smirk, "Tell me about the short guy you were making out with at the dance last night." "I did not make out with anyone." Kat replied, then quieter, "And he's not short." "Please he's like 5 something. Hes my height. So what happened? I never saw you again after that." Maddy wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. The truth was Kat was bursting to talk about Ethan but she wasn't sure Maddy was the person she wanted to have this conversation with. "I deflowered him." She said, then busted up laughing. "Eww!" Maddy exclaimed. "So Kat likes short virgins. Got it." "Shut up! No he's actually...oh forget it." Kat said deciding Maddy was definitely not who she wanted to talk to about this. "Oh come on I'll stop being a jerk I swear. So was it like, super awkward? Did he like hit your butt hole by accident?" Kat threw a nearby pillow at Maddy. "No!" she cried out. Maddy laughed. "No it was actually nice. Like he was really sweet." "I'm going to vomit." Maddy said rolling her eyes again. "I came." Kat told her and then Maddy went quiet. "Twice." Kat added. "Wait, like during?" Maddy asked her incredulously. Kat nodded vigorously. "And he was a virgin?" Maddy asked again with a slightly suspicious tone. "Oh definitely. But I don't think it was his first time doing....like everything." Kat trailed off slightly. "Wait what are you not telling me?" Maddy pressed. Kat chewed her lower lip, "Well we kind of hooked up one other time. I mean sort of." "Sort of?" Maddy raised an eyebrow. Kat smiled, her cheeks slightly pink. "He went down on me at Daniel's Halloween party. I came that time too. Like hard. Like astral projection." She watched as Maddy's expression changed from one of bewilderment to one of anger. "Okay this is fucking bullshit. Fucking Nate almost never makes me come. Certainly never while we fuck and he only ever went down on me one time. And he was drunk and it was sloppy. And this little virgin is handing out orgasms?" "So it would seem...." Kat trailed off again trying not to laugh. "So you've got yourself a sex slave. Good for you." Maddy climbed off her bed and headed for her vanity. Kat shook her head. "No its not like that. I mean the sex was good but its more than that." Kat continued thoughtfully, "Like we talked for hours and he makes me laugh and I don't know.....its just more than sex I guess." Maddy had settled in front of her mirror and was busying herself with her face and hair. She turned to Kat, "I thought you were doing this whole bitchy dominatrix thing? So what are you like, in love now?" she asked before turning back to the mirror. Suddenly Kat felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She felt dizzy and the temperature in Maddy's room seemed to have risen 20 degrees. "I'm gonna use the bathroom." Kat said excusing herself. She locked the bathroom door behind her and tried to catch her breath as her mind began to reel. She felt nauseous. Was she in love? She had wondered that last night, sitting there listening to Cassie talk about intervening and destroying as she saw Ethan across the room. She had watched him look over at her before trying to melt into the wall behind him, most likely out of fear that she would come say something else mean to him. She had watched him and wondered to herself, was she destroying her chance to fall in love? She had decided she wasn't going to let that happen and even though she hadn't truly believed he'd forgive her, she had marched over to him and apologized. Now here she was, locked in Maddy's bathroom, about to throw up at the sheer notion of her being in love. They hadn't even discussed a relationship. She had said, "I'll see you around" when he'd dropped her at home which now felt like the stupidest thing anyone could ever utter ever. She must have been in there awhile because Maddy suddenly pounded on the door. Kat swung it open to face her friend, "Hurry up bitch because I want to go out and you're coming with me." Kat nodded and did her best to force a smile. Her mind was still reeling and her stomach was still twisted in knots a while later as the two of them pulled away in Maddy's car. They spent the evening driving around while they got stoned and talked. Eventually they picked up BB and a still morose Cassie who joined their efforts. Kat asked Cassie if Lexie wanted to come out but she said something about Lexie dealing with Rue again. Later that night Kat got more of an incline as to what might be going on with Rue when she pulled up her Instagram and saw a bunch of posts from Jules who was apparently in the city. And apparently spending time with a beautiful girl. Kat felt bad for Rue but she had always thought of the relationship between her and Jules as a doomed effort. Finally when it started getting late and they had run out of places to go Maddy dropped Kat back at home. She called out a goodbye to the other girls in the car before heading inside. She went up to her room and got ready for bed. She was just about to turn her music on when her phone vibrated. She swiped her screen and felt a smile break out over her face as she saw the text.  
Ethan: So I pretty much ate that entire basket of muffins. My sister never buys muffins. I'm pretty sure she was just trying to impress you.  
Kat: I really should have had one then.  
Ethan: Hey, I tried.  
Kat: You did.  
Ethan: Now I feel like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka because you didn't help me eat them.  
Kat: Violet Beauregarde  
Ethan: Was that her name?  
Kat: Yep.  
Ethan: Of course you know that.  
Kat: What is that supposed to mean?  
Ethan: Just one of the many ways you are so much cooler than I am, that's all.  
Kat: No offense, but its not that hard to be cooler than you. Like I think my mom is probably cooler than you.  
Ethan: She probably is. She's probably a hip hip lady.  
Kat: Omg! Hip lady? That's it you're officially the biggest dork on the planet.  
Ethan: And you say this not having seen my stamp collection yet.  
Kat: Or those photo albums your sister has.  
Ethan: Soon to be had. That fireplace hasn't been used in ages.  
Kat: Aww come on now, I want to see those!  
Ethan: No one should ever see those.  
Kat: So what was your 6th birthday party theme anyway?  
Ethan: He-man. With muscles and manliness.  
Kat: Liar.  
Ethan: Absolutely true. I like swords, violence, and purple tigers.  
Kat: It's a panther.  
Ethan: Why do you know that?  
Kat: Why don't you?  
Ethan: Tiger, panther, same thing.  
Kat: They're really not.  
Ethan: Look I was a very manly 6 year old dammit.  
Kat: I'm sure you where. The manliest.  
Ethan: Damn straight.  
Kat was staring down at her phone and smiling so hard her cheeks hurt. Her room was dark but for the illumantion of the screen and she had lost track of what time it was as they continued to text back and forth.  
Kat: I had a really good time with you last night.  
Ethan: Me too.  
Kat: I could have done without the pants less meeting of your sister though.  
Ethan: Well we could try that again. Only with pants this time.  
Kat: What do you mean?  
Ethan: Would you want to come over tomorrow? My sister is making dinner and wanted me to invite you. And by making I mean she's ordering it.  
Kat: Tomorrow night?  
Ethan: My sister kind of wanted to meet you again. She even said I could use her car again.  
Kat: I take it that's rare?  
Ethan: Honestly, kind of yeah.  
Kat: Okay. Sounds good to me.  
Ethan: Would that be weird? To hang out again so soon I mean?  
Kat: No, I want to.  
Ethan: Okay so I'll pick you up then?  
Kat: I can't wait  
Ethan: Okay see ya then. Good nite.  
Kat: Good nite <3  
Kat smiled in the dark of her room and rolled over. She was about to close her eyes when she saw her laptop and web cam looming on the desk across from her. Suddenly she was wide awake again. That next afternoon Kat ransacked her closet as she frantically tore through her clothes trying to find something that would be sexy for Ethan but also impress his sister. It seemed every stitch of clothing she owned came up short. Meanwhile running through her mind were thoughts of Should she tell Ethan about the camming? Did she have to? Did she want to? Should she stop camming? Did she have to? Did she want to? And even further in the back of her mind Maddy's question still nagged at her, Was she in love? She did her best to shake them off as she threw skirts and dresses behind her to the floor. She had finally decided on an outfit and was questioning her makeup choice when her phone buzzed. She still wasn't ready to have the Ethan conversation with her mother so she had asked him to text her when he was downstairs. She swiped her phone to confirm it was him then scurried for the door. She gave herself one last look over in the mirror and then headed out. Ethan had parked the chevelle across the street again and was tapping on the steering wheel gazing out the windshield while he waited. The same jaw breaking smile she seemed to have no control over spread across her face without warning as soon as she saw him. She slid into the passenger seat, having remembered not to wear noisy fabrics this time, and turned her smiling face toward him. "Hey." He greeted her returning her smile, his tone was low and even as always but with a slightly more chipper hint to it than usual. Without even thinking Kat leaned over and pressed her lips against his. At first he seemed slightly startled by her actions but then he kissed her right back. She gently pulled away, still smiling, "Hey." She replied softly and bit her lower lip before settling back into her seat. Ethan inhaled deeply and started the car. They arrived at his apartment building a few minutes later and after leaving the chevelle in the parking garage headed upstairs. Once inside Kat was greeted by the smell of garlic and some kind of pasta. For the first time she thought about the fact that this event involved food. She hated any kind of social eating. Eat too little and you're being rude. Eat too much and you're the fat girl who ate too much at dinner. She would never forget the time she had been the only girl scout to ask for a second s'mores at a campfire outing. She fixed her eyes on Jessica who was slim built like Ethan. She was much taller though, an inch or two taller than Kat. She had long dyed black hair that hung down to the center of her back with bits of the ends dyed purple and orange. She had several visible tattoos and the same wide deep blue gray eyes as her brother. "Kat!" Jessica greeted her like an old friend. "I'm so glad you could make it, sit." She offered Kat an empty chair at the small kitchen table where she'd eaten an awkward breakfast as Ethan had accurately called it the morning before. Kat slid into the chair as Jessica began busying herself with a bottle of wine. "Ethan tell Mike to bring that blunt out here would ya?" She muttered to her younger brother as she continued shuffling around the kitchen gathering plates and glasses. "Yeah sure. I'll be right back Kat." Ethan headed across the living room in the direction of a connecting doorway. "Do you need any help?" Kat asked. "Oh no. You're the guest." Jessica smiled at her as she placed 4 plates and 4 glasses on the table. Kat's palms were sweating and her mouth felt dry. She continued to watch as Jessica piled the table with take out pasta and garlic bread before beginning to fill the glasses with wine. Behind her she heard Ethan coming back into the room and saw he was joined by a tall 30ish guy with dark reddish brown hair, a beard, and thick tattooed arms. He was holding a lit blunt which he offered to Jessica upon entering the kitchen. "Mike this is Kat, Kat Mike." she said gesturing with her free hand as she took the blunt with the other. Ethan slid into the chair next to Kat. "Nice to meet you Kat." Mike gave her a warm friendly smile and Kat thought to herself that he had incredibly kind eyes. He sat down next to Ethan and held a chair out for Jessica. Jessica passed the blunt to Ethan and Kat watched as he took a large draw from in it as though he had done it a million times. He had never mentioned smoking weed to her before. She had seen him drink a few times though. "Kat do you smoke?" Jessica asked her picking up her glass of wine. "Sometimes." Kat replied. The truth was she was too nervous to get high right now. "Now being one of those times?" Mike asked her smiling and nodding his head in the direction of Ethan's out stretched hand. She hadn't realized he had been trying to pass the blunt to her. She felt put on the spot so she gingerly took it from him and did her best to take a small toke. She of course immediately started coughing. She was used to vape pens, not flower stuffed in tobacco laced paper. That crap was how the McKay twins smoked and she hadn't done it that way since she herself had been their age. "I don't normally smoke that way." Kat sputtered. "Sorry." Ethan told her. She had twisted in her chair in order to cough away from the table and he had turned to look down at her. Her face turned beat red. She was mortified. "Ethan hand her her wine." She heard Mike saying. "Its me and Jess's fault really. Ethan is always telling us these things are an unhealthy way to smoke but were old and we fear change." Jessica laughed. "It's true okay. I'm set in my unhealthy ways. But he's old I'm not." "Okay babe." Mike laughed. Ethan had handed her the glass and after a healthy gulp she felt better. They passed the blunt around again, skipping Kat this time, as everyone began to fill their plates. When it got to be Kat's turn she did her best to place a small amount of pasta and a piece of bread on her plate without drawing attention to herself. If anyone noticed how small amount of food she took they didn't say anything about it. Conversation swirled around the table as Kat watched the interactions, chiming in often. Ethan and his sister seemed very close. Their relationship was a very sarcastic and loving one. He also seemed very close to her boyfriend Mike who in turn treated him like his little brother as well. Jessica was witty and warm and from the conversations going around had a wild streak. Mike was friendly and laid back and seemingly head over heels for Jessica. He would stare at her smiling when she talked with a glimmer in his bright blue eyes. Kat had forgotten to care about food or to fret about whether or not she said the right thing. Instead she had become completely immersed in this little family that was so open to her. Any time she looked in Ethan's direction he looked deliriously happy. He was obviously thrilled with how well things were going and that made her heart swell. The food had been pushed aside and a second blunt had just finished making the rounds when Jessica pushed herself up from the table, "All right baby brother, gig lasts til 5. So we won't be back tonight okay?" She was saying as Mike joined her in standing, stretching his arms high above his head. "Yeah just don't forget to leave me the car keys so I can drive Kat home later." Ethan replied. "I left them on the counter bud." Mike told him. The two of them gathered up their belongings and headed out the door as Ethan began to straighten up the kitchen. Kat stood and began helping him, "Oh you don't have to do that." he told her. "I want to." She replied firmly with a smile. He shrugged and they finished putting things away. "You want me to leave this wine out? I can't really have anymore if I'm going to drive that car of hers, but you want it?" He held the half full bottle out to her. "Well I'm not going to finish all that by my damn self but Ill take one more glass." She smirked at him as he poured part of the contents into her cup before putting the bottle in the fridge. "So," he turned toward her once they were finished, "`have you seen Le Samourai?" "What?" she asked him. "French film. Melville. His first in color actually." He led her into the living room. "Now I'm not a cinephile or anything. I mean my favorite movie is The Fly remake with Jeff Goldblum. But this movie is amazing." She looked over at him smiling, "Cronenberg really?" "Hey I love a good body horror film laden with metaphorical dialogue." he shook his sleeves out dramatically as he spoke and she giggled. "So the French film you were showing me?" "Like I said my tastes are pretty lowbrow, but I happen to like Melville. And this is my favorite of his." They settled on the couch together as the movie began. The opening scene showed a sparse apartment and a man lying on his bed. It dragged for several minutes as the man lay there and smoked. Ethan had his arm around Kat's shoulders and his eyes trained on the screen. Her mind was racing with thoughts. Why had he suggested they watch a movie again when he could easily just initiate sex? Was there some sort of significance to him showing her this movie? How much more to Ethan was there that she didn't know about? Was she going to tell him about the camming? What would he do when he found out? Would he think less of her? Would he think she was a slut? Did he already? Kat chugged her wine and watched Ethan's face as he sat beside her oblivious to the storm of questions raging behind her eyes. She barely watched the movie though what she saw seemed intriguing and she thought under different circumstances she might really enjoy it. If there was some hidden meaning she was supposed to cipher she certainly didn't know what it could be. All she'd gathered so far was the man was a hit man who had pulled off a sloppy hit and been spotted. Also something to do with a girl playing piano and a blonde in an apartment. Ethan's gaze was still intently fixed. He didn't seem to notice Kat downing her wine or her eyes darting nervously around the room. By the time her cup was empty she was feeling warm all over and just a bit tipsy. It was around that time she finally mustered the courage to ask Ethan, "Hey can I ask you something?" He turned toward her slightly, one eye still on the screen, "Sure what's up?" "What do you think of cam girls?" she blurted. "Um, what?" He sounded dumbfounded. "You know girls who like web cam with guys for money. What do you think of them?" "I think it's none of my business." He replied casually. "You don't think its slutty?" she pressed. "How is it slutty? They aren't sleeping with them. And even if they are, still not my business. Are you like asking me if I watch cam girls? Just because I was a virgin doesn't mean I was like paying girls on the internet." "No no of course not! I don't think that at all!" she spoke quickly and her voice came out a little too high and a little too loud. Ethan shifted beside her and turned his gaze back to the TV, briefly eyeing her empty cup as he did. She thought he must be blaming the wine for her sudden turn of weird questioning. She should take the merciful chance to drop it and move on. Instead she asked, "Well like what if it was a girl you know?" He turned away from the TV completely now. "Like what if it was your.....sister?" she couldn't stop herself from talking. "Eww then its so beyond none of my fucking business. Kat what the hell?" He had turned his entire body to face her now, the movie long forgotten. "I'm sorry. That was a weird thing to say. I'm sorry." Kat looked down at her hands. "Kat why are you asking me about this?" his voice was soft and when she looked up at him she saw confusion in his eyes. "Well like...what if it was you girlfriend?" she asked him quietly. He paused for a moment then, "I feel like there's multiple conversations you're trying to have here without actually having them." She nodded. "Okay yeah. You're right." There was another silent pause then he gently spoke again, "First thing, are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?" "I mean...." she trailed off and looked away. Then she turned back to him and looked deep in his eyes, "Yes I do." The confidence in her voice shocked her slightly but it was true. She did want to be. Despite all chance of being hurt or embarrassed, she did. That much she knew though she was still confused about the rest. He smiled at her, "I'm glad." And she thought she could hear a great deal of relief in his voice as well which made her smile back at him. "So," he continued, "are you also trying to tell me that you have a cam channel while also asking me how I feel about that?" She looked away this time, but nodded. She wasn't really ashamed. She had enjoyed camming, for the most part, but she was afraid. Afraid to see the affection for her leave Ethan's eyes. Afraid he wasn't truly the person he said he was and that he didn't really like who she truly was. "Do you want to tell me about it? Because you don't have to you know." Well that answers that question she thought to herself. If only she had known that already. Although deep down she thought she might have. It had been something else that had made her want to tell Ethan. A need to let him know her, and to know him. "It all started with a video I didn't make. It got leaked and when I saw it at first I panicked." She spoke in a hushed tone, her words spilling out quickly between them, as she told him the entire tale. Something she hadn't told anyone yet. She didn't tell him about a viewer buying her entire wish list or asking for a nude chat however. She was trying to pretend that hadn't happened. When she was finished she finally found the courage to look up at him, and into his eyes. To her shock she saw that the way he looked at her hadn't changed. There was no pity, no disgust, only the same shining gaze as he listened to her. "So, I guess now comes the part where you tell me how you feel about it." She said hoping he wouldn't notice the way her voice had cracked slightly. He reached out with one of his hands and touched the side of her face before placing it back at his side, "It honestly doesn't bother me Kat. I mean I would worry a little bit about like stalkers or something like that but you know just be careful." He gave her a reassuring smile as she stared at him, shocked. "You're the first person I've ever told all of this to. I really didn't expect you to be so calm." "You never told anyone else, just me?" His eyes were wide and there was an expression on his face she couldn't quite read. She blushed slightly and averted her eyes from his, "Well I just...I wanted to be honest with you about stuff. Because I want you to be honest with me." She looked back at him and moved forward slightly. "Can I ask you something?" he asked keeping his eyes trained on hers. "Sure." she answered trying to sound casual despite the fact that she was terrified of what that something might be. "When you said you wanted to be my girlfriend, does that mean you want to be with just me?" Kat glared at him. "Are you trying to ask me if I'm going to fuck other people?" He was quiet again. "Ethan?" "Yeah I guess." his tone was low and hushed, he turned his eyes from her icy stare. "Ya know Ethan the thought hadn't crossed my mind but obviously its crossed yours. And will probably keep crossing it no matter what I say right?" he looked in her eyes and she did her best to maintain eye contact angrily, though her will faded as she looked at him. "No Kat it's not like that at all. If you say you only want to be with me then fine. That's it. I only need to hear it once. But if not I need to hear that." She softened immediately as she felt a slight prickle of guilt. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his lightly at first then more passionately as their tongues began to touch. She pulled back but only far enough so her lips still brushed against his lightly when she spoke, "I want to be with you Ethan. Just you." He closed the small space between them and they started kissing again. She felt his hands move to her waist and before she could react he had pulled and lifted her slightly so that she straddled his lap. Their kisses became more and more desperate as they pawed at each other. Hands moved over bodies, fingers tangled in hair, clothes were yanked over head and tossed to the floor forgotten. She remained on top of him as he caressed her naked breasts and slid his fingers beneath her skirt. She let out a small whimper as she felt his warm fingertips grazing inside of her. She felt hot and sticky all over. He sucked lightly on her neck, causing fresh goosebumps to appear on her arms and legs. She writhed slightly against the motion of his quickening fingers letting out a second whimper. She reached between them and began to undo his pants as he returned his mouth to hers. She kissed him deeply and his hand came from under her skirt again. She stood up and slid her panties down to the floor then removed a condom from her discarded purse nearby. She leaned down and kissed him tenderly as their hands worked together to push his pants and boxers out of their way. She returned to her straddling position and after opening the condom wrapper with her teeth, quickly slid it around him, squeezing him slightly as she did so and smirking at the little cry of pleasure the act evoked from him. She held his cock firmly in her hand as she lowered herself onto him, guiding him inside her as she went down, until he was buried deep inside of her. She let out a tiny cry of pleasure at the new sensations she was feeling before beginning to move. He kept his hands on her hips as she slowly rode him, up and down, back and forth. Her breasts were in his face as he licked, nipped, and sucked on them. She soon found a rhythm were she was sliding on him just right, waves of pleasure hitting her in places she didn't even know she had, and she could feel the pressure building from deep in her groin and spreading up her spine as she moved. "You feel so good." His low deep voice vibrated in her ear causing her to shake slightly. She moved faster and at some point she must have begun crying out and moaning because she heard herself loudly in her own ears. "I'm gonna come." she heard Ethan say, it sounded almost like a plea. "I'm almost there." Kat panted. She rode him harder and faster as her climax drew nearer and nearer. Ethan cried out and she felt his body start shaking against hers. She rocked her hips and arched her back as the massive explosion rocked through her body. She closed her eyes, nebulas flashing behind them across her mind, and continued grinding against him her cries now louder than ever. It seemed like forever before the pleasure finally began to subside and she threw herself forward, her chest colliding with Ethan's, both of them panting loudly. They stayed like that, both trying to catch their breath, and then, "Holy shit." Ethan said breathlessly. They both laughed giddily. She climbed off his lap gingerly and positioned herself on the couch next to him, still wearing her skirt and nothing else. "You know we can just skip right to that. You don't like have to go through any motions with me first." She reached down and started to pick up her clothes. He didn't say anything and when she looked up at him again he was staring at her. "What?" she asked nervously as she started to get dressed. He slowly pulled his pants and boxers up. "Um...I just....you know that's not like all I want from you right? I mean...that's not the reason I wanted you to come over." Kat felt embarrassed again. "I'm sorry Ethan. I don't know why I said that." "I like spending time with you Kat. No matter what we're doing." he pushed her hair behind her ear. "Me too." she told him and they kissed again. When Ethan dropped her off that night she felt as though she were floating. She thought that may still be partly the wine but she knew it was also Ethan. With winter break underway meaning no school, they continued to hang out and talk nearly everyday. When they weren't together she was texting him constantly though she tried not to become one of those girls who was completely obsessed with their boyfriend. Still she understood why they called it the "honeymoon phase". They were absolutely insatiable for each other and Ethan seemed to enjoy getting her off more than himself. She couldn't get enough of him, she loved the way he smelled, especially his hair when he had just taken a shower, and the way his skin tasted. If she had been experiencing a sexual awakening before, then this was on a whole other level. They would talk for hours and she had learned as much about him as she could like the music he listened to and movies he watched and that they both liked anime and playing video games. He had taken her up on the roof of his apartment building, his favorite spot, where they would smoke and talk. He had started keeping flavored rolling papers around just for her, since she didn't like blunts. She had met his friends, a small crew of pot smoking skateboarders and surfers. She had finally introduced him to her mom who not surprisingly loved him. She had invited him along with her friends and was amazed at how quickly he won them all over. They seemed to find him funny and kind of charming in his own dorky way. Rue, who had been paling around with Lexie quite a bit lately, had nicknamed him E man. Cassie always remarked how sweet he was and Maddy liked that he was the first guy that wasn't related to her to act completely normal around her. She joked that he was short and dorky and that he didn't even have his own car, but at the end of the day she approved and didn't mind when Kat brought him out with her. She spent a lot of time at his apartment as well and had woken up in his arms more than a few times. She loved when he would get really stoned, his voice would drop low when he talked to her and she could taste the faintest hint of weed on his mouth when she kissed him. She loved hanging out with him and Jess and Mike and she had become part of the repertoire over time. She spent part of Christmas Eve with them and Ethan had gifted her a necklace. The charm was a jeweled letter k with little cat ears on the top. She absolutely loved it. He had bought it for her with money he made at his part time job helping Mike out on a delivery route. Ethan was incredibly easy going, content to hang out just the two of them watching movies, party with their friends, or sometimes not see each other at all that day. Like when Kat would go hang out with Maddy, the two of them had been spending more and more time together as well now that she had completely broken up with Nate. She had continued to keep up with Jules Instagram account which was updated daily and nightly with her adventures in the city. They had texted a few times but Kat had been careful not to mention Rue, and Rue hadn't asked her about Jules even though she kind of got the feeling she wanted to. Finally she managed to lock Jules down in a text conversation two days before New Years Eve. Jessica was DJing a huge party for the holiday and Kat wanted to try and get Jules to come. She had accompanied Ethan to one of Jessica's gigs and it was one of the funnest nights of her life. She had thought to her self several times that Jules would absolutely love the scene. However Jules kept changing the subject.  
Jules: So tell me more!  
Kat: I'll tell you when you get back. In person.  
Jules: No way come on I can't wait! Gimme details now!  
Kat: No I'm not gonna text about, if you want details you have to come home.  
Jules: Oh come on! Don't be such a wuss! So like how many times have you guys done it?  
Kat: I honestly lost count.  
Jules: And you said he goes down on you all the time?  
Kat: Yeah pretty much.  
Jules: Wow lucky you! Do you at least return the favor?  
Kat: Of course! Now no more questions until you come back. When are you coming back anyway?  
Jules: What about positions? Like are we keeping it simple or more Kama Sutra?  
Kat: Definitely closer to the second one. Now you answer me.  
Jules: Honestly Kat I don't know okay.  
Kat: What do you mean you don't know? Look there's a huge party for NYE. You saying you won't even think about coming?  
Jules: There's a million parties here. Better parties.  
Kat: I'm not at those parties!!!!  
Jules: You could be! Besides something tells me you'll be preoccupied ;)  
Kat: Rue won't be at those parties either.  
Jules: That was her choice. Not mine.  
Kat: Come on Jules. You should see how much she misses you.  
Jules: Okay well I g2g. Bye Kat!  
Kat: Bye Jules. Text me if you change your mind about the party.  
Kat sighed heavily. Poor Rue. She rolled over and closed her eyes as she her excitement for New Years Eve returned. She thought about her dress again and wondered if Ethan would like it. Suddenly she heard Maddy's voice in her mind, asking her for the millionth time if she was in love. She still didn't know the answer and honestly didn't want to know. The idea scared the hell out of her and she just as soon not think about it at all. She was happy. That night she fell asleep with a smile on her face.


	4. New Years Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Whatever happens, this was worth it."

Kat watched intently as a now severely deteriorated Jeff Goldblum moved across the television set in front of her. She was on Ethan's couch, the top half of her body sprawled across him and her bare legs draped on the sofa with his huge cat Gabe purring in her lap. Ethan had worked late that day on the delivery route and after smoking a couple of joints with her was nearly passing out. Kat turned from the TV and looked up at him. His eyes were half open and he had a slight smile on his lips as he sleepily played with her hair. She felt a huge grin tugging at the corners of her mouth as she thought to herself she had never been part of a more perfect moment. She never wanted this incredible feeling, a feeling of belonging she had never known before, to ever end. Of course the ever present voice of negativity at the back of her mind was always there to remind her that it would end. That everything did. She did her best to ignore her intrusive thoughts. "Do you want to go to bed?" she asked Ethan in a soft, quiet voice. He gave a small yawn and nodded. She gently scooted Gabe to the side and rose to her feet before turning and extending her hand to Ethan. He pushed himself off the couch and they clicked off the TV then shuffled down the hall to his bedroom. He fell forward on to his bed and she snuggled in next to him, savoring the feeling of his warm arms around her. She was just getting really comfortable when she heard her phone buzz from the table beside Ethan's bed. She looked up and saw that he had already started to fall asleep. She didn't want to disturb him but at the same she was afraid it may be her mom so she did her best to slide over and reach for her phone without waking him. He was out like a light and barely moved when she did. Kat swiped open her phone and saw she had a text. It was from Jules.  
Jules: Hey pussycat!  
Kat: omg Jules! I was wondering when you would text me.  
Jules: Well I didn't want to interrupt your honeymoon lol  
Kat: haha so whats up? are you back in town yet?  
Jules: Nah of course not. I'm at the greatest new years eve eve party eva and I just miss you thats all  
Kat: There are new years eve eve parties?  
Jules: There are tonight!  
Kat: well i miss you too Jules. you should come to this party tomorrow. its going to be crazy.  
Jules: Somehow I don't think I'll be missing much  
Kat sighed heavily to herself in the dark and felt Ethan stir beside her.  
Kat: Well I will be here. So there's that.  
Jules: You should come here! That would be so amazing!  
Kat: I promised Ethan I would go with him to this party. His sister is the DJ, remember?  
Jules: Yeah yeah. Well I still wish you would come here!  
Kat: And I still wish you would come here. I'm telling you Jules, you would love it.  
Jules: Besides you, there is nothing at that party I can't find here and much better!  
Kat: Rue?  
Jules: Made her choice. I'll talk to ya later Kat. Love ya!  
Kat: Love ya back Jules.  
Kat put her phone back down and scooted back into Ethan's arms. Well I tried twice now, she thought to herself, obviously Jules isn't ready to talk to or about Rue. Kat pushed the girls from her thoughts, she fixed her gaze on the peaceful sleeping face beside her and smiled as she snuggled into his embrace.  
Leaving Ethan's was always hard. There was something almost chemically addictive about being in his room with him. She couldn't get enough of the way it smelled or how warm and peaceful she always felt lying in bed with him. Unfortunately her phone began buzzing as sunlight streamed through the blinds forcing Kat to confront reality and accept the fact that she would soon be leaving this bed. She grumbled audibly as she felt around for her phone before sleepily reading the barrage of texts from Cassie demanding to know where she was. Shit, Kat thought to herself, it was after 10. And as Cassie had been reminding her in the texts she had promised to be at the Howard household very first thing that morning. She tapped out a quick and apologetic response before dropping her phone back on the table and rolling over to face a still sleeping Ethan. She playfully nudged at his legs with her foot under the covers and lightly tickled his bare stomach with her fingers. He grumbled at her but smiled as he stirred himself awake. "Mornin". He told her groggily. "Good morning." She sang back. "Listen I totally overslept, I've gotta get to Cassie's I should've already been there." Ethan sighed and rubbed his eyes. "All right gimme a sec, I'll drive you." he replied. "No, no I don't want you to do that. You're so tired and I want you to sleep for tonight." She smiled at him. "I'll just get a cab." "Are you sure?" Ethan asked her reluctantly. "Yeah of course." She replied nonchalantly. "Okay." She leaned over him with her hair hanging down framing their faces and softly pressed her lips to his. He kissed her back reaching up with one hand to touch the side of her face. "Mmmm." He murmured, his eyes still closed as they parted. "Are you sure you have to go?" he asked her in a low voice his hand now running up and down her bare arm. Kat's cheeks flushed. "Yes I really do." She painstakingly pulled herself away from him and started to get dressed. She kissed him once more before telling him she would see him that evening and heading out of his bedroom door. She padded toward the kitchen as she tapped on her phone preparing to summon herself a cab. "Well hey Kat I didn't even realize you were here." She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Jessica's chipper voice behind her. "Oh my god you scared the hell out of me!" Kat exclaimed holding her chest. She had turned to face Ethan's sister who had come up from behind her. "Sorry." She chuckled. She and Ethan had the same low giggle of a laugh. Kat tried not to smile. "You're good. I'm so psyched for tonight. Everyone is." she told her. "Good. I'm thinking its gonna be a decent turn out." Jessica mused aloud nodding. "So where you off to at this hour?" To Jessica, who was a complete night owl, 10 am was an ungodly hour to be doing anything. "Oh I've got friends waiting on me so I'm gonna grab a cab and get over there. I didn't wanna wake Ethan, he's so tired." Kat gestured to the closed bedroom door. "Well hell I'll drive ya." Jessica flashed her a smile. Kat fidgeted nervously. "If you're sure its no trouble." "Oh shit no. Gimme a sec." Jessica called as she disappeared into her room. Truth was, Kat could use the ride. She didn't have much money and the cab would take what she did have. She had been neglecting her cam channel lately and her dress for tonight had taken most of her savings. On the other hand the idea of being alone in a car with Ethan's older sister scared the crap out of her for some reason. Jessica returned a few moments later, she stooped to lace up her Doc Martens before grabbing the keys off the counter. "Ready?" she asked Kat with a smile. Kat nodded and followed her out of the apartment and down to the Chevelle. Kat sat in the passenger seat as Jessica expertly guided the car out onto the street and they took off. "You are way better at driving this than Ethan is." Kat said with a giggle. Jessica turned to her, hair blowing out the window, "Thats because its my car." she gave Kat a wink. "So where are we going?" Kat described how to get to Cassie's and they were on their way. There was a brief and heavy silence between the two of them then Jessica spoke, "Kat, could I talk to you about something?" she down shifted the car and began going slower. Kat nervously chewed her lip, "Of course." she did her best to sound open and easy going. Jessica took a deep breath that made Kat even more nervous. "I was 10 years old when Ethan was born. Before that, it was just me and my parents. I was a weird kid, didn't have many friends, I never really belonged anywhere." Kat listened as Jessica spoke in a matter of fact, even tone. "Honestly I was pretty detached. Then came Ethan. He was annoying, and he cried too much, but I had a brother. This littler person who followed me around and hung on my every word. " Jessica continued. "When I was 12 my parents died and Ethan was all I had. He's still all I have. You're probably wondering where I'm going with this." Kat didn't say anything. "That kid is everything to me. He's my whole family and pretty much always has been. And in the 16 years he's been on the planet I have never seen him care about anything or anyone as much as he does you Kat." Kat blinked as the weight of Jessica's words hit her like a freight train. "I like you Kat. I really do. I also know that you're someone who has a long journey ahead of them. That it will take you awhile to figure out exactly what you want in life and who you want to spend it with. This thing you and my brother have, its incredibly intense and it got that way so fast. It scares the hell out of me." Kat finally found the courage to speak, "You're afraid I'm going to hurt him." she said. "No." Jessica replied firmly. "I know you're going to hurt him Kat. That is inevitable. What I'm trying to say is my brother may seem very aloof but when it comes to you he is anything but. So I guess I'm asking you to be as gentle as you can when you break his heart." Kat stared at Jessica in disbelief. She hadn't even realized they had pulled up in front of Cassie's house. "Please don't take anything I've said to mean that I don't adore the shit out of you Kat, because I really really do." Jessica gave her a long and sincere look, Kat could only nod. She thanked her for the ride and walked toward the front door of her friend's house on legs so shaky she was shocked she didn't collapse. She didn't even bother with the bell just grabbed the spare key from under the mat and quickly let herself in. She heard the Chevelle roar away as she closed the front door behind her. She turned the corner into the living room and saw Rue and Lexie on the couch. They seemed to quickly distance themselves as she entered. "Hey guys." Kat said slowly. "Hey." they both replied in flat unison. "I'll just head upstairs, Cassie's expecting me." Kat gestured over her shoulder beginning to back out of the room. "She's in the shower." Lexie stopped her, waving to an empty chair. "Hang with us." "Yeah." Rue chimed unenthusisatically. Kat lowered herself into the chair and looked at them. She could feel it in the air she had interrupted something heavy. "So," Rue said suddenly, "how's E man?" Kat couldn't help but smile. "Really good." she replied. "You guys coming to the party tonight?" she asked them. "Oh hell yes." Rue answered without hesitation. "Last time was killer." "Yeah it was pretty fun." Lexie added. "Great." Kat told them. An awkward silence fell over the room but it was mercifully shattered as a freshly showered Cassie came bounding down the stairs chastising Kat for her tardiness. "I know I know Cass I'm sorry." Kat started saying rising from her chair. She followed her friend back up to her room, leaving Lexie and Rue to whatever they had been into before she arrived. "They're being hella weird." Kat told Cassie after the door to her bedroom had been closed. She gestured in the direction of downstairs. "I know right?" Cassie said. "I have no idea what's going on there but I think Rue might be using my sister as some kind of a rebound from Jules." "What? Seriously?" Kat was shocked. "Yeah and Lexie isn't talking to me about any of it so I don't really know." Cassie told her. "Wow. That's so messed up." Kat said. "I know." Cassie continued, "have you talked to Jules?" "A couple of times." Kat replied. "She changes the subject or stops replying if I bring up Rue. She's pissed at her because she didn't go to the city with her." "Ugh. Whatever Jules is bad news for Rue and Rue is worse news for Lexie." Cassie sighed heavily. "What about you?" Kat asked her. "What about me?" Cassie narrowed her eyes. "I just mean are you still good just being single?" "So fucking good." Cassie replied firmly. "Now, help me pick out an eye shadow that matches my gold top." Kat grinned and headed with Cassie over to her massive makeup collection. She momentarily considered telling her friend about what Jessica had said to her but shook it off. She watched occasionally giving input as Cassie gathered her makeup and outfit for the party. "Okay I think I have everything." She finally said an eternity later. "Ready to go?" Kat nodded and the two of them left in Cassie's car and headed for Kat's house. She noticed on their way out that the living room was now empty. Kat's mother greeted them warmly and offered them some snacks she had been making in the kitchen. The girls sat and talked with her a bit while they ate. Kat realized she hadn't eaten a thing since the single slice of pizza she had had with Ethan the night before. They eventually made their way up to her room where Kat left Cassie while she went to shower. She stood there letting the hot spray wash over her and suddenly the words Jessica had spoken came crashing into her mind like a ton of bricks. "I know you're going to hurt him." She had said. She had been so sincere, she had looked genuinely afraid for her brother. Kat closed her eyes and took a deep breath. If only Jessica knew how Kat felt. That hurting Ethan was the last thing she ever wanted to do. That just the idea of causing him pain made her want to sit down in the shower, pull her knees up, and start crying. She climbed out and wiped the fog from her mirror, doing her best to put aside her thoughts. When she returned to her room half dressed she found a huffy Cassie waiting for her with her phone open. "So Maddy is in full crisis mode." she told Kat. Kat rolled her eyes. "What else is new." she muttered. "Apparently Nate is texting her from yet another text app and telling her he's coming to the party tonight." Kat scrunched her face in disgust. "What? Why? It's so not his scene." "Anywhere Maddy is going to be is Nate's scene." Cassie quipped. "Well tell her not to worry about it I'm sure he's just talking shit. He won't show." Kat said. "She wants us to come over now." Cassie told her. Kat sighed heavily. "We aren't supposed to go over there until way later." "I know I know but she's being really intense right now and I don't want her to do something dumb." Cassie was already gathering her things. "Jesus Cassie we aren't her babysitters. She can take care of herself." Cassie rubbed her temples, "Kat can you just not be your difficult ass self right now and come to Maddy's with me?" "Fuck's sake I guess so." Kat rolled her eyes again and began gathering her things. She packed her bag for the party and threw on some clothes before heading back out to Cassie's car, calling out goodbye to her mom over her shoulder as she went. They had just left the driveway when Cassie's phone began to ring. "She's so fucking impatient." Kat complained. She grabbed Cassie's phone and answered it without noticing who was calling and assuming it was Maddy. "Maddy we are literally on our way." She said. "Cassie?" came a small cracked voice. Then something she couldn't quite make out. She pulled the phone away from her ear and read the screen. "Oh shit it's Lexie, my bad." She helped Cassie situate the phone against her ear while she drove. "What?" she was saying. "Lex I can't understand you." There was a long pause then Cassie said, "Okay okay just calm down. Hang up and text me the address. I'll be there okay?" Cassie hung up. "What's going on?" Kat asked concerned. "I'm not sure." Cassie replied furrowing her brow. "But I've gotta go. Tell Maddy I'll be back later okay?" Kat nodded as the car stopped in front of Maddy's house. She grabbed her bag and hopped out telling Cassie bye as she did so. Mrs. Perez let her in and she headed upstairs to find Maddy who was throwing every stitch of clothing she owned all over her room and basically having a meltdown. Once they got past Kat explaining where Cassie had gone Maddy began her usual tirade about Nate. Kat sat on the bed and half listened as she watched Maddy continue to throw clothes. "You know what I want to do tonight?" she said suddenly. "What's that?" Kat asked without looking up from the magazine she had begun to idly flip through the pages of. "I want to get really fucked up. Like another planet." "Oh yeah?" Kat asked slightly amused. "You should totally like score us some Molly." Kat raised an eyebrow at Maddy. "Really?" Maddy nodded enthusiastically. "Mmm hmm." She said. "You should def go see Fezco and get us some." "I thought he was laying low? Didn't he get raided?" Kat asked. "That was like forever ago. I did hear he was out for awhile after that. Something about supplier issues. But he's good now. You should call him." Maddy was talking fast and pacing. "Why me? Why don't you just call him?" Kat asked. "Because you like do business with them all the time. I've seen you. Plus I don't want to go over there. Nate could be around." Maddy half whined. "I do not do business with them and Nate is not hanging around Fez's place." Kat rolled her eyes and flipped the pages of her magazine. "Kat please? Just don't be a dick and do this for me." Maddy gave her a pleading look. "Oh fucking fine." Kat sighed heavily and threw her arms in the air. "I'll go over there and see what's up. You gotta give me extra cash for a cab though." Maddy frowned at her. "Call your slave. Make him drive you in his car that isn't really his." Kat shot Maddy daggers. "Don't call him that." Maddy sighed. "Kat would you please ask Ethan if he would be so kind as to drive you?" she said in a mocking tone. Kat continued to glare. "Come on, I'll buy you a hit." Kat relented and took out her phone. She stepped out of Maddy's room. She was not going to have her saying rude shit in the background while she asked for a favor. It only rang twice before she heard Ethan's voice on the other end, "Hey." He always sounded slightly elated when he greeted her. Like he was so happy just to hear from her or see her. "Hey I know we're supposed to meet up at the party later but I was wondering if you could do me a quick favor." She said. "Yeah of course." He replied without hesitation. "Could you pick me up at Maddy's and drive me somewhere?" He paused, "Like now?" "If you aren't busy." she said. "Yeah I can probably borrow the car for a bit. Gimme a few minutes and I'll be by." He replied. "Thanks Ethan, you're the best." "No problem. See ya in a bit." She could almost hear him blushing through the phone. She told him goodbye and hung up before heading back in to Maddy's room where she had begun to throw clothes on the bed. She turned to Kat expectantly. "He'll be here in a bit." Kat told her grabbing her magazine and settling into Maddy's bean bag chair on the floor. She continued to listen to Maddy rant and watch as she narrowed down her outfit choices for that evening. Eventually her phone buzzed and she saw a text from Ethan letting her know he was outside. "Ethan's here." Kat interrupted Maddy mid rant rising to her feet. Maddy thrust a wad of money at Kat. "Get enough for all of us." she said. "All of us?" Kat asked. "Yeah. You me and Cassie." Kat nodded and turned to leave. "Come back Kat. Do not ditch me for that shrimp." Kat glared over her shoulder and headed out of the room and down the stairs toward the front door. The Chevelle was parked on the side of the street across from the house. Ethan was in the driver's seat wearing his navy blue work jacket. Kat smiled as soon as she saw him. "Hi!" She greeted him warmly sliding into the passenger seat. "Hey." he said in the same slightly elevated tone. She leaned over and kissed him softly. "So where we headed?" He asked when they parted. She instructed him on how to get to Fez's shop and they set off. She placed her hand on his thigh and leaned back in her seat smiling behind her sunglasses. This feels incredible she thought to herself as they sped down the street. Fez was out front when they pulled up and he began to whistle. "Damn that's fucking cherry." He said admiring the car as Kat and Ethan climbed out. "Yours?" He asked Ethan. "Nah it's my sister's." He replied. "No shit? She single?" Fez asked. "She's pretty much the most not single person I know." Ethan answered. Kat grinned. "Damn." Fez said and looked at Kat. "She probably fine too huh?" "Insanely." Kat replied matter of factly. "Can we talk inside Fez?" she asked. "Yeah I spose. This your man or something?" He asked eyeing Ethan. Kat nodded. "Cool." Fez turned to lead them inside. "Insanely?" Ethan asked in a hushed tone. Kat grinned again, "What? She is. Good looks run in your family." She squeezed his hand as they followed Fez through the door. Ashtray was sitting on the counter his back toward them, playing a video game. "So whatcha need?" Fez asked. Kat pulled the crumpled bills Maddy had given her from her pocket. "I need 3 hits of Molly." Fez took the money. "And Ima need another 30 bucks." he told her. "What? Since when?" she asked incredulously. "Since now." Ashtray called out without turning around. "Inflations a bitch." Fez added. "Well can I like pay you the rest later, you know take it out of my account?" she asked. "You ain't brought no bread in here in a minute girl. Later could be awhile and we aint a long term creditor." Ashtray called out again. Fez shrugged. Ethan pulled out his wallet and began removing money. "Hey-" Kat started. "Can you throw another one in there too?" Ethan interrupted her talking to Fez. "Yup." Ethan handed Fez the money and he added it to Kat's before turning to grab their pills. "Ethan. You didn't have to do that." Kat said. "What? You can pay me back later. Besides, I wanted one too." Kat's phone began buzzing in her pocket before she could say anything else. She looked at the screen and saw Cassie's name. "I'll be right back." she told Ethan and stepped outside to answer her phone. "Hey Cass what's going on?" "I'm on my way back to Maddy's now. I tried calling her but she didn't answer." Cassie replied. "Well her spoiled ass talked me into doing something for her so I'm not there at the moment. She probably didn't hear her phone from under all the clothes she's got thrown everywhere." Kat heard Cassie heavily sigh on the other end. It must be exhausting constantly feeling you need to mother everyone Kat thought to herself. "So how's Lexie, everything okay?" "Yeah I guess." Cassie said. "I have a quick stop to make. I'll see you guys in a minute." Before Kat could reply Cassie had hung up. She frowned at her phone then turned and headed back inside. "No see you can't kill the xenomorph. You have to use a distraction tactic to get out of the room." Ethan was saying. He was standing behind the counter with Fez and Ashtray, the three of them all turned toward the video game on the screen. "See I told you!" Ashtray exclaimed at Fez. "The hell your bitch ass did! Over here emptying a whole magazine and shit." Fez told him. "I mean there are mods that will let you kill it but then the game doesn't let you complete properly." Ethan continued. "Yeah see fuck all that. I do this shit legit." Ashtray told him. Kat cleared her throat audibly causing Ethan to turn around sharply. "Um...are we ready?" she asked. "Hes got yalls shit." Fez gestured to Ethan who was coming back from behind the counter. "What about this fucker right here, can I shoot his ugly ass?" Ashtray asked. Ethan turned back, "You can but it won't die." he said. "Damn. That shit ain't right." Fez said as he puffed on a blunt he had just lit. He passed it to Ethan who took a long draw before handing it back. "It was nice meeting you guys." He told them exhaling as he and Kat turned to leave. "Likewise." Fez replied. and to Kat's shock she heard Ashtray call out, "You too." They climbed back into the Chevelle and Ethan handed Kat the tiny baggy of pills. "Hold on to mine for me? I'll take it tonight when I meet up with you." Kat nodded as he started the car. "Ethan?" she asked. "Hmm?" he shifted the car as they roared away in the direction of Maddy's. "Is there anybody who doesn't instantly like you?" she grinned at him. He chuckled slightly. "Tanner Olsen, 7th grade. He was on my soccer team. Hated my guts with the fire of a thousand suns." "Well fuck him." Kat said still grinning and Ethan laughed again. "I think I had to grow on you." he told her. She shook her head. "No. It was instant with me too." he smiled at her. A few minutes later he had parked the car back in/ the same spot where he had picked her up. "So same plan as before, I'll meet you there about 9?" he asked her. She nodded then leaned over to kiss him goodbye. She pressed her lips to his, relishing how soft and sweet they were. She parted her lips slightly and their tongues met, their kiss becoming more intense. She held the side of his face with her hand, tracing the outline of his jaw with her thumb. She probably would have stayed out there for hours if it hadn't been for the slam of Cassie's car door startling her back to planet Earth. She finally pulled away from Ethan and joined her friend heading toward Maddy's front door. "How long have you been out here eating his face?" Cassie asked amused. "Shut up." Kat snipped as the two of them headed inside and back upstairs to the ongoing train wreck that was Maddy choosing an outfit. "Its about fucking time!" Maddy exclaimed as the girls entered the room. "You bitches are so damn slow!" "Sorry!" Cassie exclaimed sarcastically. "Kat was back before me, she was just too busy making out in front of your house to come inside." she teased. Kat shoved her playfully and Cassie laughed. Kat looked up and saw that Maddy was staring at them quietly. "You really like him a lot, huh Kat?" she asked softly. Kat grew quiet and nodded. "You're so lucky you like someone so nice. And normal." Maddy sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. Cassie joined her as they both stared sadly into space before seemingly shaking off whatever thought process had taken them over. Kat blinked. This was something she had never experienced in her entire life. Her having something they wanted. It wasn't that it made her feel good to know they had been with guys who hurt them, that wasn't it at all. She had just always been programmed to believe girls who looked like Cassie and Maddy would get the best of everything and girls who looked like her would always be the ones wanting. It was strange having that illusion shattered right in front of her. "Oh hey!" Kat cried suddenly and produced the baggie triumphantly from her shorts pocket. "Bitch! Yasss!" Maddy cried out happily. "Wait, is that-no. Keep that shit away from." Cassie crossed her arms defiantly. "Oh get over it hoe. Just stay off the carousel." Maddy rolled her eyes. Cassie shot her daggers and Kat did her best not to laugh out loud. Kat resumed her position in the bean bag chair and took out her vape pen. The three of them spent the rest of the evening goofing off in Maddy's room before getting ready for the party and loading into Cassie's car. Kat sat in the backseat and nervously tugged at her skirt. The dress she had chosen was extremely tight, extremely revealing, and extremely sparkly. She absolutely loved it and even though showing so much skin still made her kind of nervous, she also found it exhilarating. Cassie and Maddy, who both looked amazing themselves, had told her she looked incredible. And Maddy definitely wasn't the type to lie to you about how you looked in something. They finally arrived at the large glowing building and Cassie parked her car. Kat handed out the Molly, save for her and Ethan's hits, in the parking lot before the girls headed inside. The music was already coursing and colorful lights strobed off and on. The place was absolutely packed with dancing bodies. She scanned the room as Maddy and Cassie moved away from her into the crowd. She stood on her tip toes and searched the sea of faces around her before finally meeting the eyes she was looking for. Ethan began smiling as soon as he saw her and they started moving toward each other. It felt like it took an eternity to cross the room and get to him, and without thinking she fell into his arms and pressed her body against his chest. His arms went up and around her instantly. "That dress...is so damn hot." He purred in her ear. Her cheeks flushed crimson and the butterflies that pretty much lived in her stomach when Ethan was around swarmed inside of her. She leaned back from him slightly and removed the last two hits from her handbag. She placed one on each of their tongues then grabbed his hand and yanked him toward the dance floor as the music swelled around her. It didn't take very long at all for the euphoria to flood her body. The lights swirled and she moved against Ethan, her blood pounding in her veins. Everything around her seemed to be glowing in technicolor. She imagined sparks of electricity firing off Ethan's hands on her skin. She stared into his eyes and saw they were clouded over with the same look of exhilaration she felt. All sense of time had escaped her as she moved around the party admiring how beautiful everyone looked. The hours melted away into a sea of color and light. She found Maddy and Cassie and the three of them began dancing and laughing together. "I need liquids!" Kat shouted at her two friends before making her way off the dance floor. She cast a gaze in the direction of the DJ booth where Ethan was leaning talking to one of his friends. Above him his sister was surrounded by her own glow of light as her long hair flailed around her. Kat grinned. They were both so beautiful. She was still standing there grinning at them when she heard a voice beside her. "Hey Kat." She turned to see who was talking to her. "Rue!" she exclaimed loudly. Rue followed Kat's gaze and gave her a half smile that made Kat blush slightly. "Are you having fun?" the question felt dumb. Rue nodded slightly. "Yeah its great. Better than last New Years for sure." Kat agreed. Rue then looked back over at Ethan. "What's it like?" she asked Kat. Kat was silent for a moment then she slowly asked, "What is what like?" "Being with the person you like. Knowing they want to be with you just as much." Rue stared at her expectantly. Kat's mind immediately went to the intoxicating feeling of lying in Ethan's arms and she felt herself smile. "Amazing. Terrifying. Soul consuming." she heard herself say the words as if the thoughts had been with her all along. Rue didn't say anything. The lights reflected against the sparse glitter makeup she wore and her deep brown eyes shimmered. "You know when they say your heart stops?" she continued. "It really fucking feels like that. Like time stops. Like everything stops." she looked Rue in the eyes, the effects of the Molly still running high. "Is that how you feel about Jules?" Kat couldn't stop herself from asking. Rue looked like she had been slapped. Tears suddenly sprung up in her eyes. "I'm so fucking in love with her. I miss her so much and she won't talk to me and it's fucking killing me." the tears spilled over and poured down her cheeks, taking her makeup with them. Kat wrapped her arms around Rue and pulled her to her chest. Rue fell against Kat and let herself cry. "Rue, I'm so sorry." Kat was saying when she looked over Rue's shoulder and saw a crushed looking Lexie standing behind them. From the look on her face she had heard Rue's words and they had destroyed her. Kat started to say something but Lexie had already turned and hurried away into the crowd. Rue pulled from Kat swiping at her eyes. "Sorry." she muttered. "No Rue its okay." Kat tried to tell her but she was already moving away from her in the opposite direction Lexie had gone, still muttering apologies as she disappeared. Kat stared after her, feeling awful for both girls, when she suddenly felt arms go around her waist. "There you are." Ethan's deep low voice was in her ear. She grinned and covered his hands with hers. They returned to the dance floor as the countdown to midnight began. There was a loud toning sound and confetti began to fall from the ceiling. Ethan leaned forward and kissed Kat lightly on the lips but she seized on him before he could pull back, trapping him in a deeper kiss he gladly reciprocated. His tongue licking against hers filled her body with warm need and she grabbed his hand, pulling him away from the crowd. She led him off the dance floor, away from the pulsing lights, and off toward the back of the building where she knew the equipment rooms were. The first door she tried was unlocked and she swung it open, pulling Ethan inside with her and locking it behind them. She kissed him harder and he settled her on a large amp crate against the wall, positioning himself between her thighs. She ran her hands through his soft light brown hair and kissed the side of his neck. He slid his hand along her inner thigh and under the short skirt of her dress. "I really really like this dress." he told her with lust in his voice. He continued his hand moving upward until his fingers were reaching inside her black lacy panties. She whimpered against his lips and he moved toward her ear, his two fingers sliding against her making her feel like her blood was molten lava. He whispered in her ear, telling her how sexy she was asking her if she liked what he was doing. His words made every tiny hair on her body stand on end as she whimpered "Yes" desperately clinging to his body. He teased her with his hands, touching her everywhere and evoking little cries of pleasure. Finally she couldn't take it anymore and began hastily undoing his pants. She gripped him causing him to cry out and then kissed him again as he slid her panties down. She wasn't sure where he produced the condom from but the next thing she knew it was on and she was pulling him toward her and easing him inside of her. Every movement and touch was intensified, every sensation felt like bliss. She pulled at the back of his hair and kissed him greedily, forgetting there were several hundred people just on the other side of the flimsy door that was all that separated them. Time still eluded her, she couldn't tell if they had been back there for seconds or hours but she didn't care either way. She did her best to keep from crying out too loudly as she finally reached one of the most intense climaxes of her entire life. She clung to his chest and felt him shuddering against her as her own body continued to shake. They kissed again, a long and slow kiss, as he stayed situated between her thighs. Finally he moved from her, kissing her again as he did so. She grabbed her damp panties from the floor and pulled them back on, still not able to stand up and walk out of the room. Ethan came back over to her, his pants now back in place, and they started kissing again. Kat became vaguely aware of the fact that they had probably been missing from the party for awhile. "We should get back." she said, still smiling from ear to ear. Ethan nodded and kissed her once more before leading her back out toward the party. If anyone noticed their absence, Kat couldn't tell. It certainly didn't seem that way. She enjoyed the warm feeling of her hand in Ethan's as they moved back in to the crowd. She felt like she was glowing. "I am so thirsty!" she shouted to him over the music. He grinned, "Ill get us drinks." He had no sooner moved maybe 3 feet from her in the direction of the makeshift bar when Kat heard a smug voice behind them. "Hey Kat." she turned to face Daniel, looking just as smug as he sounded. "Haven't seen you since we hooked up on Halloween." he continued wiggling his eyebrows. "Seriously that nun costume though?" he licked his lips. "So what are you up to tonight? You looking to hook up again?" Kat blinked at him. Her cheeks felt hot and she wanted to hit him. "No Daniel." she said firmly and turned away from him. As she did her eyes fell on Ethan who had been in earshot the entire time. He looked completely crushed, all the light had gone out of his eyes. She started to say something but he forced a smile, "So I'm gonna get those drinks." He continued moving away from her and Kat headed after him, ignoring whatever Daniel was saying behind her. She pushed through the crowd and did her best to keep up with him. By the time she reached him he was already at the bar talking to the guy behind it. "Ethan-" she started as she came up behind him. He turned toward her with that same forced smile. "You wanted water right?" he asked her. His tone was calm but strained. She could only nod. The bar tender, another friend of Ethan and his sister's, came back over then and placed a bottle of water and a brimming glass of whiskey in front of them. Ethan grabbed the glass and put it to his lips. "Ethan you really shouldn't drink with...ya know what we took earlier." Kat was trying to tell him. To her horror the glass was completely empty within seconds. He sat it on the counter and nodded back at the bar tender. "Ethan?" she asked him. "It's fine. I'll just have one more." he told her. She felt defeated as the glass was refilled and Ethan slammed it down empty for the second time. "Oh my God I can't believe he didn't fucking show up!" Maddy's voice screeched between them suddenly. "I told you he was just fucking with you." Kat said. Her high had now completely faded. "Mads!" Ethan exclaimed. "Shots?" he gestured to the bar. Where did those come from Kat thought eyeing the small glasses of liquid. "Fuck yes!" Maddy cried. Kat watched as they slammed them down. "Maddy-" Kat started but before she could continue two of Ethan's friends had walked up between them. Kat was pushed off to the side as the four of them kept drinking, Maddy savoring the attention of the two boys that had joined them. Eventually she had moved away back to the dance floor but Ethan had no trouble finding others to drink with him, he behaved jovially the entire time as Kat grew more and more concerned. She attempted a couple of times to lead him away from the bar and back to the dance floor but he kept distracting himself and would remain where he was drinking with whoever had joined him. Kat saw that it was well past 2 am and realized just how long this had been going on. Finally she leaned over toward his ear, and doing her best to sound calm and not at all frantic she pleaded with him, "Can we please go home?" she didn't let herself process the fact that she had just referred to his apartment as their home. He fixed his eyes on hers and nodded sheepishly. "Of course." he slurred his words to her and she led him on wobbly legs away from the bar and toward the door. As soon as they stepped outside into the night air he began to vomit. He was still throwing up on the ground, trying to keep his distance from Kat while he did so, when the cab she ordered pulled up to the curb. She had to convince the driver that he would't puke in the car before he would let them in. He managed to make it all the way back to his apartment building before puking on the street again the second he half climbed half fell out of the cab. Kat helped him find his keys and then let him lean on her slightly as they silently climbed the stairs. She unlocked the front door and he headed straight for the bathroom where she could hear him throwing up again. She sat outside the door in the hallway until it went quiet. "Ethan?" she asked softly. "Yeah." came his croaked reply. She gently pushed open the door and found him sitting on top of the closed toilet lid with his face in his hands. She reached past him and turned his shower on then came back over to him and helped him get undressed. He mumbled something she couldn't quite make out, she thought she heard the word embarrassing. "Its okay." she soothed him. She stayed in the bathroom while he showered, afraid he might fall. Then offered him a towel which he quickly wrapped around himself as he clumsily exited the shower. She put toothpaste on his toothbrush for him and handed it to him as she left the bathroom. He emerged a few moments later and she silently led him back to his room. She turned her back so he could pull on his boxers and then removed her own dress as he collapsed on to his bed. She gingerly sat down beside him and saw that he had already fallen asleep. Kat reached over and gently caressed his face, brushing still damp strands of brown hair off his forehead. Then it hit her. This is what Jessica was so afraid of. All this time Kat had been worrying about how easily Ethan could hurt her, she had never stopped to think about how much power she had to hurt him. She looked down at him and he stirred slightly, his brow furrowing and his lips half mumbling something inaudible. She leaned down and kissed his forehead gently, "Shhh." she whispered to him and the frown smoothed from his face. Kat leaned against the headboard and decided to stay awake. She had lost track of how much he had drank and she was still worried about him. She must have fallen asleep at some point though because the next thing she knew she was waking up alone and the room was filled with daylight. Kat blinked and tried to ignore the pounding in her head and process her thoughts at the same time. She sat up halfway and surveyed the empty room. Her stomach lurched. The door slowly opened then and Ethan dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans, entered the room. He gingerly sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her apologetically. "Kat I am so so sorry." he was saying. Kat blinked again. "Wait, you're sorry?" she tried to push the fog from her mind and stared at him. Why was he sorry? "I acted like such an idiot last night." He was saying. "You know it was making me crazy trying to figure out how I kept fucking things up with you. Especially that night at the Halloween party. And then this guy comes up and I-I'm really sorry Kat." he rushed his words out and she did her best to weigh them in her mind. "Ethan you didn't fuck things up at the Halloween party, I did." He looked confused. "When you left the bathroom and didn't come back I thought it was because of me. Because you didn't really want me." the look of confusion on his face intensified. "I thought you were rejecting me." He shook his head then said slowly, "Like that night at the carnival when I was talking to that girl that works with Jess." Kat could see him putting two and two together. He probably thinks I'm disgusting now she thought to herself. She could only nod. The silence that fell between them was agonizing. Finally Kat couldn't take it anymore, "I'm sure you probably think I'm awful now. You probably think way less of me and I understand-" "Kat nothing will make me think less of you." he interrupted her. His eyes were locked on hers and she could feel that he meant it. He leaned over and gently kissed her forehead. She started shaking her head hard. "What?" he asked concerned. "You're just so fucking amazing to me and I keep acting so insecure and screwing things up so badly." she told him. "Kat, a guy you had hooked up with tried to talk to at a party and I nearly drank myself to death. If that's not acting like an insecure screw up, I don't know what is." she looked up at him and saw the sheepish apologetic expression on his face. "I like you a lot and I guess that makes me act really stupid sometimes. But I am sorry. And I will try not to let it happen again." Kat blinked in disbelief. Every scenario that had played in her mind since Daniel had approached her at the party had gone horrifically different. She grabbed him and started kissing him, no longer in control of herself at all, she was at the complete mercy of her desire for Ethan. He kissed her back and they fell backward on his bed together, their legs intertwined. They tenderly and slowly removed each other's clothes. His touch was especially gentle, and he stared deep into her eyes, seemingly into her soul, as they moved together. They had had sex many times before but something about this time felt different. It was slower, more intimate than any other time before. And when they climaxed together Kat felt that feeling she had described to Rue, like her heart had stopped. Afterward she lay in his arms, her ear to his chest listening to the soft rhythm of his heart. Neither of them spoke yet the silence didn't feel awkward at all. He softly stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, she closed her eyes and felt the sensation of his long lashes against her skin. Jessica was right. This thing between them was intense and it was definitely scary. Kat kept her eyes closed as she finally found her voice. "Ethan?" "Hmm?" he murmured. "Are you scared?" she asked him. "Of?" he replied. "Me. Of me hurting you." she told him, her voice small and childlike. He was quiet for a long time then finally replied, "Whatever happens, this was worth it." he said softly. She nuzzled her cheek against his chest and tightened her arms around him. Yes it is she thought to herself. It definitely is.


End file.
